In this personal post, which is part my own sociological analysis and part self psychoanalysis, all based on my 60 years on this planet and in this society in modern civilization. This has been in draft form on my mind for weeks now, so here goes.
Let me define the terms i am going to use, as in the title of this post:
Friends (with a capital F) are lifelong Friends who stick with you with loyalty, love, concern, and continuing communication no matter where in the world life takes us.
friends (with a small f) who are usually friend of Friends and friends we associate with and who can become Friends if we synch right.
Work-related-friends or even school-related-friends who come and go depending or where we go to work or school.
e-friends who are people we meet on the internet through Facebook or Blogs or other social media, whom we will most likely never meet face to face or even talk on the phone with.
I like to say i can throughout my life that i can count my true Friends “on one hand after a farming accident” (with one or two fingers missing, lol), and i have been lucky at times to have Friends i can count on two hands after a farming accident.
Right now in my life i would say i have maybe 5-6 Friends who have stuck with me though this illness and visit me fairly often and are very encouraging and uplifting and who give me rides to distant doctor’s appointments etc. And 2 of these Friends (who are my mum and nearby aunt. Yes, as you get older you do finally realize that blood is thicker than water.
2 other Friends, both witches in the coven i have known for over 30 years and we remain in fairly constant communication though it is difficult for us to visit each other. One coven initiate, and my girlfriend, has been most loyal and loving in the last few years i have known her, and is a true Friend. One other probationer, who lives far away, i consider a Friend is in daily and weekly communication and i wish he lived closer to me. Other past initiates either have dropped out of communication, or only text me when they need something, after i text or email them first. That’s the story of email communications for me – i email someone, they email me back, i email them back, then it all stops for months.
Now friends come and go like witch probationers, of which i say from experience are a dime a dozen. They come and go depending on circumstances and personalities.
I can tell you to look around and everyone you consider to be a friend right now and most will be gone in 5-10 years.
Work-related-friends are even even more like bubbles on the water. Even when i worked in the hospital and just moved from one floor to another my w-r-f’s soon faded away to being nearly strangers. One guy i worked with for over 20 years just stopped answering phone calls and emails. Why? Who knows. And the people i knew in high school and college, they too are all gone.
e-friends are nice, and i have met a lot of interesting and caring people since i started blogging. But i am not that into social media and hate FB, having been involved in it before. And on WP i try to stay out of the squabbles. Its too bad most of us are worlds away. I am very grateful for those of you who have communicated by commenting on my posts, and i enjoy reading your posts. Mostly stuck here in my house on my pc i am very glad i have discovered blogging, which keeps my mind alert and thinking and communicating.
I am not sure why i am even posting this blog, and am Not doing it to attract attention or pity, so i don’t want any kind of that feedback. I guess i just want to share about what true Friendship means, and may you all be blessed with those rare Friends who continue throughout your life. I am sure this is coming across as cynical, based on my life experiences, but maybe i am just picky about Friends and friends, most of which that i make are involved in witchcraft and magicke and other spiritual pursuits, but we are all too human with all our psychological and social imperfections, and hopefully over lifetimes i will grow and evolve through this life experience.
Until then, thank you my Friends, friends and e-friends (and keep on blogging!).
And if anyone is personally offended by this post, my apologies that i did not communicate this properly so as to not offend anyone.
Pictures from multiple Tumblr blogs
Blau Stern Schwarz Schlonge 
I well understand the scarcity of Friends. Likewise the value of the e-friends ….though you may never meet sometimes that feedback gets someone through a dark night indeed.
Love the picture of Herne, btw.
I think the way you categorise different types of friend here is quite accurate. Maybe there are a few sub-groups as well such as interest related friends and, well, friends with benefits… As for e-friends, I think this is a truly new category that couldn’t have existed much more than a decade or so ago. I have found such connections unexpectedly rewarding. One aspect that you referred to is that these are people you may never meet because you are separated by huge swathes of geography and yet they are people you probably would choose to associate with if you had cause to meet each other in the same town.Many of these people (present company included) are people you can learn from and share things with in a way that your local friends and Friends may not be able to match. I also quite like the fact that the rules and expectations of such friendships are undefined and uncharted.
Thanks Cassie. You, Lorna (From Peneverdant) and Leona (The Haunted Palace) are my most communicative blogger e-friends for sure, and you all live in the UK. And yes there are many sub-categories i could have listed. I guess “Friends with benefits” would be F-Friends, lol. Oddly, few friends follow my blog, or it they do seldom comment on posts. Blogging has been good for me because i love to teach and share and learn from people on paths similar to mine, so it has been fulfilling in many ways, though still virtual communication. I hesitated to even post such a personal thing and almost deleted it this morning because it sounds a little like i am wining. But your response has shown me at least one blogger gets it.
You’ve hit the nail on the head, the various categories of friends — you’re right — they come and go at different levels in degrees of distance, time, circumstance, etc., and it’s not offensive at all to examine how you relate and how they relate to you. It’s all about understanding what place in the universe they are coming from and going to and why, too. I think some people revolve around like planets and comets — some even impact us traumatically in ways that leave deep craters on our surface — yet we survive and evolve. I like how you put things in order. I’ve been thinking along the same lines. I’ve thought about quitting FB, but family and close Friends keep me reeled in there.
I recently wrote here on WP about two friends who have wounded me deeply. I’m still getting over it. It makes me cautious about my writing now, yet I’m fighting to bounce back to writing the way I like to write, without fear. I can take any stranger’s criticism, just not that of those friends with a capitol “F” as you say. Learning to trust myself even in the face of rejection by people I put my soul’s trust in is a major lesson in self-faith — it’s one open myself to the mystery of the Gods (as all good Witches do) but another to fully master one’s self, a practice that is on-going in a Witch’s life. I think certain individuals sometimes we let into our lives to remind us to keep learning and testing ourselves. Then again, I also think that there are gentler ways to accomplish such tasks, right?
I, too, have illness to conquer, and I keep you in my mind. Take care, e-friend! I promise I am on the mend and, after reading this post of yours, I am inspired to catch up and write more, too.
I’m done being afraid of what someone I love may think. Chances are there are friends I have yet to meet out there who care and understand better! Blessings be.
Valentina – I like your analogy of the planets and comets and occasional meteorites we have contact with.I guess as long as we keep our spiritual center by continuing to orbit around the Sun we are doing OK, and we should look at friendships as conjunctions at time that come and go. Thanks for your feedback on my post.
Anytime!
Lee! *waves* I hope you have been well. Just checking in on you and the blog and found this. I understand. Truly. Take care e-brother in the arte!
Hey e-bro-witch SM, nice to hear from you after so long of your not blogging. I guess i am just being introspective and somewhat depressed because this expensive deep brain stimulator implant ordeal has not worked at all for me. I see you have a new post so will read it. I even unsubscribed for awhile since you were not writing. Take care and blessed be.
It’s taken me a little while to be able to post a comment on your article (had a week with only my phone for internet access – boo!). Your article is very perceptive and I can certainly relate to a lot of the things you said. I have had people who I thought of as Friends, but as you say, after 5-10 years they’re gone in a puff of smoke – and others who have come and gone, then returned to reveal themselves as true lifelong Friends.
I like to think though, that there are some special Friendships that may not actually last for ever, but that sometimes really important people can pass into and out of your life for a reason. I don’t think it necessarily reduces the value of the friendship, it may just be that time and circumstances meant at a given moment and for a set period in time you and they had something to share or communicate.
PS, loved the images you used for the post as well.
Thank you for your understanding feedback Lenora.
When I was at college I had a group of friends who I thought would be friends for life. Fifteen years later I see one of those once a year. I lost touch with many people when I moved away from Lancashire who had new lives when I returned (partners and children- neither of which interest me at present hence feeling a bit outcast). I have met new friends, good friends through writers’, environmental and pagan groups. How long these friendships will last I don’t know. As a general rule I struggle to find common ground and things to talk about with people at work let alone make friends…
That’s weird, my comment didn’t come up so apologies if I’m repeating myself. Since I left college I lost touch with many people I thought would be friends for life who I don’t see much now due to differences in life styles- their lives are bound up with partners and children and mine with poetry and my Druid path. Hence I’ve made new friends with similar interests, a couple of very good ones. I’ve always struggled to chit chat with people at work and don’t tend to make friends with people at work again due to lack of similar interests, particularly hair, nails and false tans etc. Thanks for the mention as a blogger friend above :)
Believe it or not i actually miss that work chit chat a little, always entertaining. I miss work in general as even though it can be a PIA it gave some purpose to my mundane life, helping patients and such.
hugs