A picture from about age 30 I made in a college computer graphics class. Notice the transparent Goddess with her eye on my ajna and kiss on my cheek.
Well today I turned 60 years old, so I am either as old as dirt or as old as fine wine, and I think I will choose the latter since dirt is millions of years old. As my elder High Priestess says “age is for wine and cheese” when I ask her how old she is, and I am guessing in the mid to late 80s, but don’t tell her. All I know is she can work in her garden from sunrise to sunset and then give tarot, palm and tea readings in between.
I bet a lot of my fellow bloggers never realized I was such an old fart, but in my mind I feel around 40ish. In my body that is a different story I will get into later. I usually do not post much personal on this blog as blogs are NOT Facebook but I will do so today whether anyone is interested or not.
I will give you a short bio but if you read through some of my posts on both blogs you can fill in the details.
I’m a guy who has had a few long term girlfriends and almost got married twice, but did not, so I am still single with no children, except my two black cats of course. I was a Christian as a youth, then after reading Siddhartha by Herman Hesse became a Buddhist, practiced Zen, was a monk for a short period, have lived at a yoga ashram, have hitch hiked across the country after dropping out of college, was a hippie for awhile, learned and practiced Solomonic magickes, Thelema, the OTO, Tibetan Buddhism, Shaivism, Vodoun, AmerIndian ways, and of course Witchcraft in which I have practiced for 32 years and am the third degree high priest of the Coven of the Catta as you can see in my other blog.
I live in a little house out in the woods at the base of a mountain by a stream which is where I stay sane. I am truly blessed by the gods to be living here right now.
I have worked in the medical field all my life as a nursing tech, EMT in the ER for 7 years, cardiac tech and pharmacy tech in a major hospital, and then 12 years in private practice in cardiac electrophysiology (pacemakers and defibrillators). I really miss working in medicine and being able to help people. Few people are cut out to be able to do that kind of work.
Then in August 2010 I became ill with an obscure medical condition called Meige’s syndrome which is photophobia + blepharospasm + facial dystonia + cervical dystonia which has made me disabled, and I hate it. I have tried various allopathic and alternative treatments including medications, massage, acupuncture, visits to neurologists and neurosurgeons, and now need to face the major decision about whether I want to have implanted a deep brain stimulator like they use on Parkinson’s patients. It is a major series of operations and even on Medicare I am not sure I can afford the 20% I would have to pay, and the results are not guaranteed, and it is just plain weird to have two holes drilled in your skull and electrodes implanted deep in your brain, even though I am used to these type of devices being implanted in the heart for cardiac dysrhythmias. It seems like this would mess up my natural Kundalini and chakra energies, but they already seem to be out of kilter. Well enough boo-hooing about that. At least I made it to 60 and spring is coming!
I have been perplexed and depressed many times over the past two and a half years. Of course one has those religious questions like “Why me?” “What is this karma?” I have prayed to all my gods and done rituals and banishings, and many of my magickal friends have worked healings for me. Hell I even agreed for my Christian sister and others to pray for me. I have lost my faith in my gods, then regained it again, back and forth over and over. The three things that have kept me alive through this ordeal are faith, gf, friends and family. If it wasn’t for a couple students interested in learning from me yet I am not sure what my purpose would be here.
Why do I blog for 14 months now? Mostly because I love to read other people’s blog posts and their thoughts on various subjects, mostly on Witchcraft. I cannot read physical books hardly at all now, so I just pump up the font on my pc and read a lot of PDF books. I also like to share a little of what I have learned because most of you are much younger than me and I have gone through most of what you have so I might offer some insight. But these are just my two cents, not me telling you what to do, just letting you know I have been there and done this and that for better or for worse. And with this medical condition I am bored out of my mind, especially in the northern winter, and just sit on this sofa in from of my tv and computer most of the day, and blogging gives me something to do. I cannot drive very far and only when it is cloudy, and am embarrassed to even be in public with this condition, so I don’t get out much except into the local town for shopping. I probably comment way too much on other’s blogs but there are 40 some I follow and the ones I comment on are a handful because I feel some affinity with the people who write them. So I hope some of you continue to read what I write, and what I reblog, because I think the sharing of all of our information and experiences is important to our community. Thank you all for your great posts and comments.
Addendum – When I woke up this morning I got a birthday gift that the Pope with the creepiest smile I have ever seen is resigning. He is soooo conservative I could see him burning witches if it was a few hundred years ago. Good riddance, and maybe someone like the late John Paul II, who I consider a saint, not because of his religion, but because of his compassion, will come to lead that religion which has to change or die. Maybe I should not be so judgmental as I am sure he is just trying to do what he thinks God thinks is right in his religion.
Blessed Be. Lee / Shawnus
Me on the top of the mountain behind me from about 2 years ago, probably the last time I made it up that far.